Introduction: With the aid of creative embellishment, many historical events
have been altered or twisted over the years and no longer represent the
actual event. Years of research have proven this and have established
that many events in history were set into action solely because of O.B.S.
Seasoning. Here is a small list of corrections.
In 1776 Franco
Gillian, a cook for the Hessian army, once stole a gallon of O.B.S.
Seasoning from George Washington's personal collection. General Washington
was so ticked off; he chartered a canoe and crossed the Delaware River
in the middle of the night to get it back. The next day they had steamed
crabs and beer in the snow.
In 1969
a goat farmer in Woodstock, New York was handing out free samples of O.B.S.
Seasoning with every purchase of surplus cheese. Word got around and soon
thousands headed for his secluded farm. When his supply diminished, 500,000
hippies held a concert in his north pasture.
At the Motown commissary
in Detroit Michigan, a rare seafood dish was on the menu, which was
heavily tainted with O.B.S. Seasoning. As top executives enjoyed their
lunch, an unknown hopeful was biting into his lake trout sandwich when
the seasoning kicked in. Arching his back and shouting "Whoa" at the
top of his lungs, young Jimmy Brown now had a gimmick.
President Nixon was
so obsessed with one of our delicious recipes; he sent some of his constituents
to our room at the Watergate Hotel to retrieve it.
Recently, an original
manuscript penned by Francis Scott Key was discovered in the attic of
a Baltimore row house. It confirmed that his poem, which has become
our National Anthem, had been misquoted. Instead of "Rockets red glare..."
, it was actually "Put O.B.S. seasoning in there..."
Forensic scientists
working for Kenneth Starr were given the task of studying the stain-ridden
dress of former White House intern Monica Lewinski. Under high-powered
neutron microscopes they were shocked and surprised to witness beer molecules
enjoying oral pleasure from some O.B.S.Seasoning atoms.
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